Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her.

Eli: Dude!
Matthew: I know.
Klitz: Dude!
Matthew: I know.

Karate Guy in Porno: Oooh, excellent, grasshopper. And now for your final task of your training.
Danielle: You're gonna need a harder piece of wood that that, cowboy.
Matthew: That's not her.
Eli: Yeah, it is.
Matthew: Oh, no.

Excuse me.
[makes out with Danielle]


April: Is your name really Clitz?
Klitz: Yeah, with a K.

Mr. Peterson: [while getting lap dance] So, what was the scholarship for?
Matthew: Moral fiber.

Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

Dude, am I ugly?


[to Klitz] I know this isn't professional, but I think you're really cute.


Danielle: Thank you.
Matthew: For what?
Danielle: I never went to prom.

I'm in so much trouble.




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The Girl Next Door Quotes

Hey, you guys know Matty? I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.


[to Samnang] You better cure cancer, kid.