[to Samnang] You better cure cancer, kid.

Matthew

Hey, you guys know Matty? I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.

Kelly

Minions!

Eli

Hi, I'm all wet. Can I come in?

Danielle

Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Matt: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs... WE. ALL. FALL!

Mrs. Kidman: Eli, do those girls go to your school?
Eli: Actually, no, Mrs. Kidman, they're porn stars.

Eli: Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!

Matthew: Hey, there's the big daddy!
Dr. Salinger: Matthew, what has been going on?
Matthew: Some serious shit.

Matthew: [high] Heyyy, it's my competition! Ryan, what's up my man?
Ryan: Jesus, what happened to you?
Matthew: Just living life, my man.

Kelly: Sometimes in life if you wanna do something good, you gotta do something bad.
Matthew: Yeah, but this is breaking and entering.
Kelly: This is politics.

You wanna be president? Lemme tell you the first rule of politics; Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze. You know what that means? It means you don't steal my girl unless you're ready to accept the consequences.

Kelly

Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her.

FREE Movie Newsletter

The Girl Next Door Quotes

Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

Excuse me.
[makes out with Danielle]

Matthew