Karate Guy in Porno: Oooh, excellent, grasshopper. And now for your final task of your training.
Danielle: You're gonna need a harder piece of wood that that, cowboy.
Matthew: That's not her.
Eli: Yeah, it is.
Matthew: Oh, no.

Matthew: Why are you doing this?
Danielle: What?
Matthew: This.
Danielle: Isn't that what you want? To fuck a porn star in a cheap motel? So this is what you really think of me.

Matthew: Why didn't you just tell me?
Danielle: Because I didn't want to! Because I loved the way you looked at me. You don't understand how hard...
Matthew: Wait!
Danielle: Fuck you.

Okay, people, let's make some fuckie fuckie.


Matt: But then Samnang won't get his money!
Kelly: It's funny, you say that like I care. I don't give a shit!

Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her.

What the fuck is this shit?


Eli: Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!

Eli: Dude!
Matthew: I know.
Klitz: Dude!
Matthew: I know.

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The Girl Next Door Quotes

Hey, you guys know Matty? I hung with him last night. Guy's the tits.


[to Samnang] You better cure cancer, kid.