Dude, am I ugly?

Klitz

I'm in so much trouble.

Matthew

Mr. Peterson: [while getting lap dance] So, what was the scholarship for?
Matthew: Moral fiber.

Excuse me.
[makes out with Danielle]

Matthew

Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

Minions!

Eli
  • Permalink: Minions!
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Eli: Dude!
Matthew: I know.
Klitz: Dude!
Matthew: I know.

Eli: Matthew, I tell you that you're going to regret this. What would JFK do? You know he'd tap that ass.
Matthew: Eli, you're never going to see her again.
Eli: Oh, you know what? Fine!
Matthew: Fine!
Eli: Fine! Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don't fuck her, I'll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please! Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!

Eli: Dude, don't mess this up.
Matthew: Mess what up?
Eli: Matt, she's a porn star! Okay? Take her to a motel room and bang her like a beast!
Matthew: Eli, I like this girl.
Eli: And you can still like her with your penis inside her.

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The Girl Next Door Quotes

Matthew: It's not funny.
Danielle: It's a little funny.

Excuse me.
[makes out with Danielle]

Matthew