I wish monkeys could skype.

Alan

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I have a weakness for prostitutes apparently, all kinds.

Stu

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Holla, City of Squalor!

Mr. Chow

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K as in Knife.

Alan

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First I lost my monkey, and now my hat. Could this day get any worse?

Alan

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Sometimes when you snort coke, your heart stops and starts up again. Read a book!

Mr. Chow

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I was gonna have you sing 'Burn it Up' by the Jonas Brothers, but then I remembered you don't like Indie music.

Alan

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Phil: You're not my friend!
Alan: Don't say that Phil, are you serious? Even in America!?
Stu: You're the bearded devil!

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All right, time's up. Time to sit down, buddy.

"Hey Everybody Here's some fun facts The population of Thailand is 63 million people It is twice the size of Wyoming None of you know Stu like I do I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made pact What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ..." Phil

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Phil: You ever do anything that doesn't end up in a standoff, Chow?
Mr. Chow: I'm an international criminal, it always ends like this.

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