Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.

Phil Wenneck

Stu Price: Here's something I would like to remind you two of: our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-fucking his corpse!
Alan Garner: That's highly unlikely.

What do tigers dream of when they take a little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras or Halle Berry in her cat woman suit.

Stu Price

See you later, gay boys!

Mr. Chow

Don't you worry your pretty stripped head were gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. Then were gonna find our best friend Doug and then were gonna give him a best friend hug... Doug Doug, Dougie, Doug, Doug.

Stu Price

So long, gay boys!

Mr. Chow

It's got, ah, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor...

Alan Garner

It would be so cool if I could breast-feed.

Alan Garner

Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me... The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine.

Alan Garner

That's right, keep steppin'. I'll hit an old man in public!

Alan Garner

Phil Wenneck: Tracy, it's Phil.
Tracy Garner: Phil, where the hell are you guys?
Phil Wenneck: We lost Doug.
Tracy Garner: What? We're getting married in five hours.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah... that's not gonna happen.

...I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, i won't ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.

Alan Garner

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The Hangover Quotes

Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em groundies.
Alan Garner: Or rapies.

Alan Garner: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
[awkward laughter]
Alan Garner: You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!