Tigers love pepper.

Alan Garner

Phil Wenneck: Stu, we don't have time for this. Look, let's go hook up with Doug, and we'll deal with the baby later.
Stu Price: Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room, there's a fucking tiger in the bathroom!
Phil Wenneck: It's not our baby.
Alan Garner: Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one.

Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?

Not you, fat Jesus.

Officer Franklin

Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan Garner: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.

Ha ha! Drivin' drunk. Classic.

Alan Garner

Stu Price: Why don't we remember a god damn thing from last night?
Phil Wenneck: Obviously because we had a great fucking tim

You should probably go, Doctor Faggot.


Woman in Elevator: Oh, how cute! What's his name?
Phil Wenneck: Ben.
Alan Garner: Carlos.

Phil Wenneck: Would you shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question. Who's this?
Doug Billings: It's Alan. Tracy's brother.
Alan Garner: I met you like four times.
Phil Wenneck: Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?

Alan Garner: There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
Phil Wenneck: [phil walks into the bathroom, then hurries out] Holy fuck he's not kidding. There's a tiger in the bathroom!

Phil Wenneck: The best little chapel... Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Dr. Valsh: Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!

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The Hangover Quotes

Stu Price: Ew! Alan, did you just eat sofa pizza?
Alan Garner: Yes.

Alan Garner: Do you know if the hotel is pager friendly?
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: I'm not getting a sig' on my beeper.
Lisa: I'm not sure.
Alan Garner: Is there a payphone bank? Buncha payphones? Business.
Lisa: Umm, there's a phone in your room...
Alan Garner: That'll work.