Tigers love pepper.

Alan Garner

Phil Wenneck: Stu, we don't have time for this. Look, let's go hook up with Doug, and we'll deal with the baby later.
Stu Price: Phil, we're not gonna leave a baby in the room, there's a fucking tiger in the bathroom!
Phil Wenneck: It's not our baby.
Alan Garner: Yeah, I gotta side with Stu on this one.

Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?

Not you, fat Jesus.

Officer Franklin

Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan Garner: Nobody's gonna fuck on you! I'm on your side! I hate Godzilla! I hate him too! I hate him! He destroys cities! *Please*! This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants.

Ha ha! Drivin' drunk. Classic.

Alan Garner

Stu Price: Why don't we remember a god damn thing from last night?
Phil Wenneck: Obviously because we had a great fucking tim

You should probably go, Doctor Faggot.

Melissa

Woman in Elevator: Oh, how cute! What's his name?
Phil Wenneck: Ben.
Alan Garner: Carlos.

Phil Wenneck: Would you shut up and drive before these nerds ask me another question. Who's this?
Doug Billings: It's Alan. Tracy's brother.
Alan Garner: I met you like four times.
Phil Wenneck: Oh, yeah. How you doing, man?

Alan Garner: There's a jungle cat in the bathroom!
Phil Wenneck: [phil walks into the bathroom, then hurries out] Holy fuck he's not kidding. There's a tiger in the bathroom!

Phil Wenneck: The best little chapel... Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Dr. Valsh: Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!

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The Hangover Quotes

Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em groundies.
Alan Garner: Or rapies.

Alan Garner: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
[awkward laughter]
Alan Garner: You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!