Stu Price: Why don't we remember a god damn thing from last night?
Phil Wenneck: Obviously because we had a great fucking tim

• Permalink: Why don't we remember a god damn thing from last night? Obviou...
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Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me... The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine.

Alan Garner

• Permalink: Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me... The Jonas Broth...
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Alan Garner: Can I ask you another question?
Lisa: Sure.
Alan Garner: You probably get this a lot. This isn't the real Caesar's Palace is it?
Lisa: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: Did, umm... did Caesar live here?
Lisa: No.
Alan Garner: I didn't think so.

• Permalink: Can I ask you another question? Sure. You probably get this ...
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Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an incredible rack.
Phil Wenneck: [to himself] I should have been a fucking cop.

• Permalink: Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an incredible rack. I sh...
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Listen to me, I'm gonna' tell you something. I know some sick people in my life, this guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life!

Eddie Palermo

• Permalink: Listen to me, I'm gonna' tell you something. I know some sick pe...
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Alan Garner: [after learning the hotel room they had reserved only had 2 beds] Two beds is enough, we can share for a night. I'll bunk with Phil. That cool with you?
Phil Wenneck: No.

• Permalink: Two beds is enough, we can share for a night. I'll bunk with Phi...
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...I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, i won't ever ever speak a word of it. Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.

Alan Garner

• Permalink: ...I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, i won't ever ever...
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Alan Garner: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling when you know you're gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.
Stu Price: It's also illegal.
Alan Garner: It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.
Phil Wenneck: I'm pretty sure that's illegal too.
Alan Garner: Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, Bin Laden.

• Permalink: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? It's not gambling wh...
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Counting cards isn't illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane... Maybe since 9/11 when everyone got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Bin Laden!

Alan Garner

• Permalink: Counting cards isn't illegal. It's frowned upon, like masturbati...
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Stu Price: You do know counting cards is illegal, right?
Alan Garner: It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon. Like masturbating in an airplane.
Phil Wenneck: I'm pretty sure that's illegal, too.

• Permalink: You do know counting cards is illegal, right? It's not illegal...
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It would be so cool if I could breast-feed.

Alan Garner

• Permalink: It would be so cool if I could breast-feed.
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See you later, gay boys!

Mr. Chow

• Permalink: See you later, gay boys!
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