Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.

Phil Wenneck

Tigers love pepper.

Alan Garner

To-da-loo, motherfucka!

Mr. Chow

Stu Price: Oh my God, I can't believe I gave away my grandmother's Holocaust ring to a complete stranger.
Alan Garner: Yeah, I didn't even know they gave out rings during the Holocaust.

[his answering machine message] It's Phil, leave a message. Actually, you know what, don't text me. It's gay.

Phil Wenneck

Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em groundies.
Alan Garner: Or rapies.

See you later, gay boys!

Mr. Chow

Alan Garner: [while picking up a friend at the school where he works] Did you have to park this close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, why?
Alan Garner: I just... I can't be here.
Doug Billings: What do you mean?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a church... or a Chuckeee Cheeze.

Not at the table, Jose!

Alan Garner

Don't you worry your pretty stripped head were gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. Then were gonna find our best friend Doug and then were gonna give him a best friend hug... Doug Doug, Dougie, Doug, Doug.

Stu Price

What do tigers dream of when they take a little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras or Halle Berry in her cat woman suit.

Stu Price

Alan Garner: Who's baby is that?
Phil Wenneck: We'll deal with the baby later.
Stu Price: We're not gonna leave a baby in the room. There's a tiger in the bathroom!

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The Hangover Quotes

Doug: I always wondered why they were called roofies. Cause you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof. They should call em groundies.
Alan Garner: Or rapies.

Alan Garner: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City.
[awkward laughter]
Alan Garner: You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!