Jake: She was a fun ride, no doubt about it, but she is a previously owned vehicle and I'm into that new car smell.
Jessica (as Clive): You asshole!
Jessica (as Clive): Whoever left these towels here is an asshole.

Jessica (in Clive's body): How come you didn't snitch on me?
Booger Spencer: Cuz you're my sister and I accept you for who you are.
Jessica (in Clive's body): Come here;
[hugs him]
Jessica (in Clive's body): You're such a little weirdo.

Jessica (in Clive's body): [grabs Clive's drink as he's about to drink it] There'd better not be any alcohol in that!
Clive (in Jessica's body): Oh, no no no. This is a VIRGIN Scotch on the Rocks.

Bianca: Hi Jessica, you look great. Are you doing anything different or just hanging out with skankier friends?
Jessica: You look good, too, Bianca. Are you eating less or just barfing more?
Monique: Barfing more.

Jake: Maybe this one will put out unlike that cold fish, Jessica.
Jessica (in Clive's body): YOU GO TO HELL!
Jessica (in Clive's body): Whoever left these showers on, go to hell.

You're not ashamed of me. You're really ashamed of yourself. Tell Lulu, easy on the chronic.

Korean Mother

April: Ok, let's make a list of all the people that hate Jessica.
Lulu: You know what would be a shorter list? All the people that don't hate Jessica.
Jessica: You bitch!

Venetia: Oh no, she didn't?
Sissy: Oh yes she did!
Venetia: [commenting on Ling-Ling's hot outfit] Girlfriend's booty be all wrapped up in licious!
Sissy: All wrapped up.
Ling Ling: You're pretty dope and phat yourselves

You're the only boy who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

Jessica

Just remember, you shake it more than twice you're playing with it.

Bathroom Attendant

Teacher: Now, I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials. I'm sad to report that Eden here got the only A.
Jessica: That's not fair. She's the only one who was actually there.
Eden: [Everyone laugh as Eden chants] Hexum maleficium spiritum sanctum nostradumus!

April: Uh, Jessica has a... problem.
Ling Ling: She's only going to make us wait an hour this time.
Lulu: What about the class trip to Six Flags. She took so long in the bathroom we missed the bus.
Ling Ling: Our parents had to drive three hours to pick us up.
Jessica (in Clive's body): I had my period, OK!

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The Hot Chick Quotes

[after ripping the guy's ponytail off] You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally SPLIT!

Jessica (in Clive's body)

Just remember, you shake it more than twice you're playing with it.

Bathroom Attendant