[after kissing April] I am so lesbian right now.

Jessica (in Clive's body)

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The Hot Chick Quotes

[after ripping the guy's ponytail off] You think you're so cool 'cause you can pee with your penis. Get a new conditioner, your ends are totally SPLIT!

Jessica (in Clive's body)

Just remember, you shake it more than twice you're playing with it.

Bathroom Attendant