Broadway! I haven't been zis happy since we crushed Poland!

Franz Liebkind

You were right about one thing you are a CPA, a certified public asshole!

Leo Bloom

Mr. Bialystock, I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone with a spine.

Leo Bloom

Today I have taken the Siegfried oath, and danced with a sailor, a cop and an extremely friendly Cherokee Indian.

Leo Bloom

For once, I would love to see someone on that couch who's under eighty-five!

Max Bialystock

Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!

Max Bialystock

I'm drowning here! I'm going down for the last time! I... I... I see my whole life flashing before my eyes! I see a weathered old farmhouse... With a white picket fence... I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex. No Rex, not on the alfalfa. And I see my mother... I see Mama, standing on the back porch... And I hear her calling out to me..."Alvin, don't forget your chores! The wood needs a-cordin' and the cows need a-milkin'! Alviiiiin! Aaaaalviiiiiiiiiiiin!"... Wait a minute. My name's not Alvin. That's not my life. Someone else's life is flashing before my eyes. What the hell is that about? I'm not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx. Leo's taken everything from me... Even my past!

Max Bialystock

We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

Max Bialystock

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The Producers Quotes

I'm drowning here! I'm going down for the last time! I... I... I see my whole life flashing before my eyes! I see a weathered old farmhouse... With a white picket fence... I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex. No Rex, not on the alfalfa. And I see my mother... I see Mama, standing on the back porch... And I hear her calling out to me..."Alvin, don't forget your chores! The wood needs a-cordin' and the cows need a-milkin'! Alviiiiin! Aaaaalviiiiiiiiiiiin!"... Wait a minute. My name's not Alvin. That's not my life. Someone else's life is flashing before my eyes. What the hell is that about? I'm not a hillbilly, I grew up in the Bronx. Leo's taken everything from me... Even my past!

Max Bialystock

We got the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did we go right?

Max Bialystock