[after he faked a terminal illness, took residence in the house under false pretenses, tried to instigate a fight with his estranged wife's fiancé, lied to his family and was found out] I know I'm going to be the bad guy here...

Chas: Are you okay?
Royal: Fuck do you care?

[Telling everybody that Royal doesn't have cancer] I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it, and you don't eat three cheeseburgers a day with french fries when you got it.

Henry Sherman

Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.

Chas: I've had a rough year, dad.
Royal: I know you have, Chassie.

Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah, right after I regained consciousness.

I didn't think so much of him at first. But now I get it, he's everything that I'm not.

[after learning from an investigator that Margot had been previously married and has had affairs with both men and women] So, she smokes.

Raleigh

You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive. I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!

Henry Sherman: How much is he paying you?
Pagoda: I don't know what you're talking about.

Eli: Did I hit the dog?
Chas: Yeah.
Eli: Is he dead?
Chas: Yeah.
Eli: I need help.

Eli: You never even gave me the time of day till I started getting good reviews.
Margot: Your reviews weren't that good.
Eli: But the sales are.

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The Royal Tenenbaums Quotes

You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive. I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!

Royal

Ethel: How long have you been a smoker?
Margot: 22 years.
Ethel: Well I think you should quit.