Chas: I've had a rough year, dad.
Royal: I know you have, Chassie.

You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive. I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!

Royal: Can I say something to you, Henry?
Henry Sherman: Okay.
Royal: I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. Uhh, that's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
Henry Sherman: I don't think you're an asshole, Royal, I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal: Well, I really appreciate that.

Let's shag ass.

Eli: What'd you say?
Richie: Hmm? I didn't say anything.
Eli: When? Right now?

Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't.

Eli

Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.

Chas

Royal: Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas: No?
Royal: Do you speak for everyone?
Chas: I speak for myself.

Royal: Everyone's against me.
Pagoda: It's your fault, man.
Royal: I know but dammit, I want this family to love me. How much money you got?
Pagoda: I don't have.
Royal: What? You're broke? You gotta be kidding me! How are we gonna pay for this room?

Richie: Did you tell Margot about that letter I wrote to you?
Eli: Why? Did she mention it? Yes, I did. Why would she repeat that?
Richie: I would ask you the same question.

Eli: I'm very sorry, Margot.
Margot: It's okay. We're not actually related anyway.
Eli: True.

Uzi Tenenbaum: Who's your father?
Chas: His name is Royal Tenenbaum.
Ari: You told us he was already dead.
Chas: Yeah, well now he's really dying.

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The Royal Tenenbaums Quotes

She's balling Eli Cash.

Raleigh

Royal: What the hell kind of way to act is that?
Richie: He's on drugs.