Raleigh: Are you ever coming home?
Margot: Maybe not.
Raleigh: Well I want to die.

Etheline Tenenbaum: Chas? What's going on?
Chas: We got locked out of our apartment.
Etheline Tenenbaum: Well, did you call a locksmith?
Chas: Uh huh.
Etheline Tenenbaum: Well, I don't understand. Did you pack your bags BEFORE you got locked out?

Tennis Announcer 1: That's 72 unforced errors for Richie Tenenbaum. He's playing the worst tennis of his life. What's he feeling right now?
Tennis Announcer 2: I don't know, Jim. There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.

Richie: You dropped some cigarettes.
Margot: Those aren't mine.
Richie: They just fell out of your pocket.

Eli: I did find it odd when you said you were in love with her. She's married you know.
Richie: Yeah.
Eli: And she's your sister.
Richie: Adopted.

Royal: Are you trying to steal my woman?
Henry Sherman: I beg your pardon.
Royal: You heard me, Coltrane.
Henry Sherman: Coltrane?
Royal: What?
Henry Sherman: Did you just call me Coltrane?
Royal: No.
Henry Sherman: You didn't?
Royal: No.
Henry Sherman: Okay...

Eli: You never even gave me the time of day till I started getting good reviews.
Margot: Your reviews weren't that good.
Eli: But the sales are.

Eli: Did I hit the dog?
Chas: Yeah.
Eli: Is he dead?
Chas: Yeah.
Eli: I need help.

Henry Sherman: How much is he paying you?
Pagoda: I don't know what you're talking about.

[after learning from an investigator that Margot had been previously married and has had affairs with both men and women] So, she smokes.

Raleigh

I didn't think so much of him at first. But now I get it, he's everything that I'm not.

Richie: I wrote a suicide note.
Chas: You did?
Richie: Yeah, right after I regained consciousness.

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The Royal Tenenbaums Quotes

You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive. I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!

Royal

Ethel: How long have you been a smoker?
Margot: 22 years.
Ethel: Well I think you should quit.