Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.

[Telling everybody that Royal doesn't have cancer] I know what stomach cancer looks like. I've seen it, and you don't eat three cheeseburgers a day with french fries when you got it.

Henry Sherman

Chas: Are you okay?
Royal: Fuck do you care?

Eli: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
Royal: Me too, me too.

[after he faked a terminal illness, took residence in the house under false pretenses, tried to instigate a fight with his estranged wife's fiancé, lied to his family and was found out] I know I'm going to be the bad guy here...

Ethel: How long have you been a smoker?
Margot: 22 years.
Ethel: Well I think you should quit.

Royal: Everyone's against me.
Pagoda: It's your fault, man.
Royal: I know but dammit, I want this family to love me. How much money you got?
Pagoda: I don't have.
Royal: What? You're broke? You gotta be kidding me! How are we gonna pay for this room?

Eli: I wish you'd've done this for me when I was a kid.
Richie: But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Eli: Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me.

Royal: Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas: No?
Royal: Do you speak for everyone?
Chas: I speak for myself.

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The Royal Tenenbaums Quotes

You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive. I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!

Royal

Ethel: How long have you been a smoker?
Margot: 22 years.
Ethel: Well I think you should quit.