Uzi Tenenbaum: Who's your father?
Chas: His name is Royal Tenenbaum.
Ari: You told us he was already dead.
Chas: Yeah, well now he's really dying.

Ethel: What are you talking about?
Chas: The apartment. I have to get some new sprinklers and a back-up security system installed.
Ethel: But there are no sprinklers here either.
Chas: We might have to do something about that too.

Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp.

Chas

Royal: Chas, let me finish here. I've got six weeks to set things right with you and I aim to do it. Will you give me a chance?
Chas: No?
Royal: Do you speak for everyone?
Chas: I speak for myself.

Let's shag ass.

Eli: I wish you'd've done this for me when I was a kid.
Richie: But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Eli: Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me.

Royal: Everyone's against me.
Pagoda: It's your fault, man.
Royal: I know but dammit, I want this family to love me. How much money you got?
Pagoda: I don't have.
Royal: What? You're broke? You gotta be kidding me! How are we gonna pay for this room?

Ethel: How long have you been a smoker?
Margot: 22 years.
Ethel: Well I think you should quit.

Eli: I always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.
Royal: Me too, me too.

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The Royal Tenenbaums Quotes

You wanna talk some jive? I'll talk some jive. I'll talk some jive like you've never heard!

Royal

Ethel: How long have you been a smoker?
Margot: 22 years.
Ethel: Well I think you should quit.