Tucker: Really? Where would I have seen your work?
Pat Healy: Well, have you been to, uh well, let me see... Santiago, Chile?
Tucker: Twice last year. Which building's yours?
Pat Healy: Are you familiar with the soccer stadium?
Tucker: Did you build the Estadio Olimpico?
Pat Healy: No, just down the street the Celinto Catayente Towers. It's quite a fine example, in fact. I recommend that next time you're up that way that you drop in and take a gander at it yourself.

Charlie Jensen: Is it the frank or the beans?
Ted: Um ... I don't know ... both I guess.
Warren: [from outside] Franks and beans! Franks and beans!

Have you seen my baseball?


[to Tucker] We agreed I wouldn't fuck you, and you wouldn't fuck me until we got this other fuck outta the fuckin' picture!

Pat Healy

[singing, narrating] His friends would say stop whining, they've had enough of that. His friends would say stop pining, there's other girls to look at. They've tried to set him up with Tiffany and Indigo... But there's something about Mary that they don't know.... Mary, there's just something about Mary.


Oh man! How'd you get the beans above the frank?!

Mary's Stepfather

Mary: Did you mean what you said up there?
Ted: Well ya I just want you to be happy Mary.
Mary: But I'd be happiest with you.

What did I tell you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan!

Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumbass.

Mary: Hey, you want to go upstairs and watch SportsCenter?
Ted: No, I think I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead.
Mary: You're not that far ahead, Ted.

He never even looked her up down there! He was down there closing his deal with the Rice-a-Roni people the whole time!


Ted: So you're moving down to Miami?
Pat Healy: I accepted a job offer.
Ted: With who?
Pat Healy: With... uh... Rice-a-Roni.
Ted: Isn't that the San Francisco treat?
Pat Healy: It was. They're changing their image.

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There's Something About Mary Quotes

Boy, don't make me open up a can of whoop-ass!

Mary's Stepfather

We got a bleeder!