You're right! You're not your dad! He could sell a ketchup Popsicle to a woman in white gloves!

Richard Hayden

Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too, all right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard Hayden: I know, they're called doctors.

Richard Hayden: No way that just happened. My car is completely destroyed.
Tommy: I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that... was... AWESOME!! ... but, sorry about your car, man. That... That sucks.

Richard Hayden: That guy may not call us.
Tommy: I can't believe he called me a psycho.
Richard Hayden: Hey, were you in there just now? You are a psycho... Good God. And comb your hair.

Shut Up Richard!

Tommy Callahan

Tommy: Hmmm. He seems like a nice guy.
Richard Hayden: This is the guy trying to buy the company, not to mention put you out on the street, and all you can say is, "Hmmm, he seems like a nice guy!"

Ted Reilly: Tom, you are a lucky man. Boy, would I like to get some of that.
Richard Hayden: Good lord.
Ted Reilly: Oh, God. No. Richard, you got an edit button on that thing?
Richard Hayden: [backing away] It'll cost you!
Ted Reilly: Come here. Come here, you little prick!

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Tommy Boy Quotes

Tommy: Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's ass by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
Mr. Brady, Customer: [confused] What? I'm failing to make the connection here.
Tommy: No, I mean is, you can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking your head up a butcher's ass... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.
Richard: Wow.

Hey, there's even a fridge! You could put six packs of be..... [glances at his dad] ... soda in here!

Tommy