Les Grossman: What you gotta do is pull down their pants and spank their ass, you spank it.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: You spank that ass Les!

Alpa Chino: [watching Tugg reenact Simple Jack] Damn. And I thought the movie was bad.
Kirk Lazarus: Well to give the man credit, he has eased up on the retard a bit.

Cockburn, from now on my fist is going to be so far up your shithole that every time you have a thought, it's gonna have to tiptoe past my wedding ring...

Les Grossman

Jeff Portnoy: So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?
Kirk Lazarus: No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.
Jeff Portnoy: How the hell do you know Chinese?
Kirk Lazarus: Land of Silk and Money with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for that one by working in a Beijing textile factory for eight months.

Stop tailgatin' me ya pasty teabag! Can I make a peepee?

Kirk Lazarus

Kirk Lazarus: [Alpa reveals he is gay] It's Hollywood, man! Everyone turns gay at some point!
Alpa Chino: I'm not gay! I love tha pussy!

Tugg Speedman: Now, let's go get those Viet Congs.
[cocks his gun]
Alpa Chino: "Viet Cong!"
Tugg Speedman: What?
Alpa Chino: It's "viet cong." There's no "s," it's already plural. You wouldn't say "Chineses..."

I'm a lead farmer, mother fucker!

Kirk Lazarus

Mother Nature just pissed her pants, dude!


Now take a step back...*and fuck your own face!*

Les Grossman

I don't read the script. The script reads me.

Kirk Lazarus

Tugg Speedman: There were times while I was playing Jack where I felt
Tugg Speedman: Retarded. Like, really retarded.
Kirk Lazarus: Moronical?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: An Imbicile?
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived?
Tugg Speedman: [pause] When I was playing the character.

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Tropic Thunder Quotes

I know who I am! I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude!

Kirk Lazarus

Tyra Banks: You're not married, you're on the wrong side of 40, and child-less. Somebody close to you said: One more flop, and it's over.
Tugg Speedman: [pause] Somebody said they were close to me?