Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.

You shouldn't take life to seriously. You'll never get out alive.

Vance Wilder, Sr.: Where can I find Van Wilder?
Wasted Guy: In the Guinness Book of World-fucking-Records, man... under "Raddest Fucking Dude Alive"!
Vance Wilder, Sr.: Ok. Thanks.
Wasted Guy: In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.

In my country, a woman's mastery of her gastronomical releases is considered the ultimate aphrodisiac!


Van Wilder: I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you. I know you were right. Believing for so long.
Sally: Dope song. What's it called?
Van Wilder: Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe... and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck. Originally performed by Air Supply.

The first day of spring semester. A time to say goodbye to the parents once again, and say hello to a few new student bodies.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!

Van Wilder: Take your clothes off.
Gwen: I'm not taking off my clothes.
Van Wilder: Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit.
[a hairy naked guy runs by]
Van Wilder: Except that guy.

All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down.

Sweet Joesph, my son's a fairy.

Vance Wilder, Sr.

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Van Wilder Quotes

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder

Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.

Van Wilder