Vance Wilder, Sr.: Where can I find Van Wilder?
Wasted Guy: In the Guinness Book of World-fucking-Records, man... under "Raddest Fucking Dude Alive"!
Vance Wilder, Sr.: Ok. Thanks.
Wasted Guy: In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.

In my country, a woman's mastery of her gastronomical releases is considered the ultimate aphrodisiac!

Taj

Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.

You shouldn't take life to seriously. You'll never get out alive.

I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake!

I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

The first day of spring semester. A time to say goodbye to the parents once again, and say hello to a few new student bodies.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!

Van Wilder: Take your clothes off.
Gwen: I'm not taking off my clothes.
Van Wilder: Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit.
[a hairy naked guy runs by]
Van Wilder: Except that guy.

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Van Wilder Quotes

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder

Van Wilder: What's that intoxicating scent you're wearing Doris?
Ms. Doris Haver: I have cats.
Van Wilder: Meow!