Van Wilder: What's that intoxicating scent you're wearing Doris?
Ms. Doris Haver: I have cats.
Van Wilder: Meow!

Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.

Van Wilder: But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge... Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down.
Suicidal Freshman: I don't have a pen.
Van Wilder: Well remember that then. And you know something, Timmy? I think you've got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you.

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you... even if you know its someplace you know you're not supposed to be.

All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down.

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Van Wilder Quotes

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder

Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.

Van Wilder