Gwen: I'm doing a human interest piece... on you.
Van Wilder: I'm flattered, I'd love for your piece to be on me.
[looks up at the ceiling and sighs]
Van Wilder: ... But sadly I don't do interviews, never have, never will. Do lunch though.

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

Van Wilder: I'm all out of love. I'm so lost without you. I know you were right. Believing for so long.
Sally: Dope song. What's it called?
Van Wilder: Gwen Used Me For Her Story, Then Married an Ass Wipe... and Ran Over My Heart With a Big Metaphorical Truck. Originally performed by Air Supply.

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

The first day of spring semester. A time to say goodbye to the parents once again, and say hello to a few new student bodies.

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

Van Wilder: Take your clothes off.
Gwen: I'm not taking off my clothes.
Van Wilder: Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit.
[a hairy naked guy runs by]
Van Wilder: Except that guy.

All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down.

Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!

Sweet Joesph, my son's a fairy.

Vance Wilder, Sr.

Taj: I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
Van Wilder: Okay, we're just going do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk.
Taj: Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, but I hear "milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.

FREE Movie Newsletter

Van Wilder Quotes

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder

Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.

Van Wilder