Vance Wilder, Sr.: Where can I find Van Wilder?
Wasted Guy: In the Guinness Book of World-fucking-Records, man... under "Raddest Fucking Dude Alive"!
Vance Wilder, Sr.: Ok. Thanks.
Wasted Guy: In any one of these three rooms, Gramps.

Van Wilder: What's that intoxicating scent you're wearing Doris?
Ms. Doris Haver: I have cats.
Van Wilder: Meow!

Gwen: What was that girl, a freshman?
Van Wilder: She reads at a sophomore level.

In my country, a woman's mastery of her gastronomical releases is considered the ultimate aphrodisiac!


Gwen: Is it true this is your seventh year at Coolidge?
Van Wilder: Carry the two, yes that's correct.

Van Wilder: But you know what I've learned in my seven years here at Coolidge... Timmy? I've learned that you can't treat every situation as a life-and-death matter because you'll die a lot of times. Write that down.
Suicidal Freshman: I don't have a pen.
Van Wilder: Well remember that then. And you know something, Timmy? I think you've got the balls to make it here. Call me nuts, but I believe in you.

Gwen: [Mouths] What are you doing here?
Van Wilder: [Mouths] I don't know!

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Van Wilder Quotes

Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder

Are you stalking me? Because that would be super.

Van Wilder