Waiting for Guffman Quotes
[attempting to say "Hello, how are you" in a Cockney accent] Ello, ow are ooo?
Corky St. Clair
[singing at an old folks home in Miami] Bubbe made a kishke, she made it big and fat, My Zaydeh took one look at it and said "I can't eat that!' ... Oh Bubbe, Bubbe, Bubbe, Oh Bubbe me oh myyyyyyyy...
Dr. Pearl
I dream of Genie with the light brown hair. Floating like a vapor on the soft summer air. LOOK OUT! Campdown races sing this song doo da doo da...
Dr. Pearl
Well, it's like, how many babies fit the tire? You know, that old joke.
Corky St. Clair
[during "Red, White, and Blaine production] I love you too pa. You taught me how to be a man. How to wrastle a steer to the ground and apply a fiery brand to his hind-quarters. And yes, how to love a woman. How the smell of her hair can drive a man wild!
Corky St. Clair
Ron Albertson: I'd wish they'd at least give us a line. I made some suggestions...
Sheila: We should be line-DANCING.
Boy, I didn't know deers could... could do that, you know?
Corky St. Clair
Ron Albertson: I had to have penis reduction surgery.
Dr. Allan Pearl: Penis reduction?
Sheila: I said to him, "Ron, you've gotta do something!" And he says to me, "Well, why don't you get one of those vagina enlargements?"
There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.
Glenn Welsch, Mayor
[singing] Nothing ever happens on Mars/No sports or entertainment/No swinging bars/You stand around/You stand some more/On a planet named for the Roman god of war.
Dr. Allan Pearl
What the city council did was really... give me a challenge, and it's a challenge that I am going to... accept. It's like in the olden days, in the... days of France, when men would slap each other with their gloves... say, y'know...â€D'Artagnan!"... y'know, "how dare you talk to me like that, you!," and... smack 'em!
Corky St. Clair
Dr. Allan Pearl: I feel a bree... a... you're blowing in my ear.
Corky St. Clair: Okay, all right, but you see you jumped... to a conclusion!
Dr. Pearl: Oh!
Corky St. Clair: See, what I'm asking for is... your first feeling... was not that I was blowing on you. It was more like... Virgin Isles, or... Bahamanian...
Dr. Pearl: Oh...
Corky St. Clair: Or... Arubian...
