Favorite Waiting for Guffman Quotes
Corky St. Clair: So what I'm understanding here - correct me, if I'm wrong - is that you're not givin' me... any money... so now I'm left basically with nothin', I'm... left with ZERO, in which, in which, what can I do with zero, you know? What can I... I can't do ANYTHIN' with it! I need to, this is my LIFE here we're talking about! We're not just talkin' about, you know, somethin' else, were talking about MY life, you know? And it's forcing me to do somethin' I don't wanna do. To leave. To, to go out and just leave and go home and say, make a clean cut here and say "no way, Corky, you're not puttin' up with these people!" And I'll tell you why I can't put up with you people: because you're BASTARD people! That's what you are! You're just bastard people! And I'm goin' home and I'm gonna... I'm gonna BITE MY PILLOW, is what I'm gonna do!
What the city council did was really... give me a challenge, and it's a challenge that I am going to... accept. It's like in the olden days, in the... days of France, when men would slap each other with their gloves... say, y'know...â€D'Artagnan!"... y'know, "how dare you talk to me like that, you!," and... smack 'em!Corky St. Clair
I dream of Genie with the light brown hair. Floating like a vapor on the soft summer air. LOOK OUT! Campdown races sing this song doo da doo da...Dr. Pearl
Lloyd Miller: [whispering] I don't want to interfere, but I think it would be... I think we have to work on...
Corky St. Clair: I can't hear you!
Lloyd Miller: [normal voice] I think we have to work on the music a little bit more. But I don't want to make trouble. So,
Lloyd Miller: and I don't really want to do this in front of them...
Corky St. Clair: Well, where do you want to do it?
Lloyd Miller: [whispering] Well, I think we have to sit down and make a schedule that includes some music time, because I think Jane and I have to work...
Corky St. Clair: Why are you whispering? I'm right here, you know?
Lloyd Miller: [raising voice considerably] Oh I'm sorry, do you want me to talk louder? Because I think that that it would be...
Corky St. Clair: Well now it's too loud! You know, just talk like a normal person, OK?
Well, it's like, how many babies fit the tire? You know, that old joke.Corky St. Clair
It's a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire.Corky St. Clair
Here's the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they're a lot happier.Corky St. Clair
...'cause you people are BASTARD PEOPLE!Corky St. Clair
I've been coming to this circle for about five years, and measuring it. The diameter and the circumference are constantly changing, but the radius stays the same. Which brings me to the number 5. There are five letters in the word Blaine. Now, if you mix up the letters in the word Blaine, mix 'em around, eventually, you'll come up with Nebali. Nebali. The name of a planet in a galaxy way, way, way... way far away. And another thing. Once you go into that circle, the weather never changes. It is always 67 degrees with a 40% chance of rain.UFO Expert
Blaine is the stool capital of the world.Glenn Welsch
We consider ourselves bi-costal if you consider the Mississippi River one of the coasts.Ron Albertson
People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.Dr. Pearl