Favorite Waiting for Guffman Quotes
I'd like you to close your eyes now, and I'd like you to try something, all right? Now what are you thinkin', what are you feeling right now, with your eyes closed?Corky St. Clair
Dr. Allan Pearl: I feel a bree... a... you're blowing in my ear.
Corky St. Clair: Okay, all right, but you see you jumped... to a conclusion!
Dr. Pearl: Oh!
Corky St. Clair: See, what I'm asking for is... your first feeling... was not that I was blowing on you. It was more like... Virgin Isles, or... Bahamanian...
Dr. Pearl: Oh...
Corky St. Clair: Or... Arubian...
[singing] Nothing ever happens on Mars/No sports or entertainment/No swinging bars/You stand around/You stand some more/On a planet named for the Roman god of war.Dr. Allan Pearl
There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.Glenn Welsch, Mayor
Ron Albertson: I had to have penis reduction surgery.
Dr. Allan Pearl: Penis reduction?
Sheila: I said to him, "Ron, you've gotta do something!" And he says to me, "Well, why don't you get one of those vagina enlargements?"
Boy, I didn't know deers could... could do that, you know?Corky St. Clair
Ron Albertson: I'd wish they'd at least give us a line. I made some suggestions...
Sheila: We should be line-DANCING.
[during "Red, White, and Blaine production] I love you too pa. You taught me how to be a man. How to wrastle a steer to the ground and apply a fiery brand to his hind-quarters. And yes, how to love a woman. How the smell of her hair can drive a man wild!Corky St. Clair
Well, it's like, how many babies fit the tire? You know, that old joke.Corky St. Clair
[singing at an old folks home in Miami] Bubbe made a kishke, she made it big and fat, My Zaydeh took one look at it and said "I can't eat that!' ... Oh Bubbe, Bubbe, Bubbe, Oh Bubbe me oh myyyyyyyy...Dr. Pearl
It's like in a Hitchcock movie, you know, where they tie you up in a rubber bag and throw you in the trunk of a car. You find people.Corky St. Clair
[attempting to say "Hello, how are you" in a Cockney accent] Ello, ow are ooo?Corky St. Clair