I am not from this world. I have special powers. I can see inside people's brains.

Yonica Babyyeah

Brand Hauser: I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time.
Yonica Babyyeah: No, you've seen my ass, and you're not liking it.
Brand Hauser: Why do you do that?
Yonica Babyyeah: Do what?
Brand Hauser: Talk as if you've got no soul?

Yonica Babyyeah: Do you want massage with happy ending?
Brand Hauser: Does your father know that you talk this way?

This little Turaqi pop star. She really disturbs me and I can't figure out why.

Brand Hauser

Brand Hauser: Did you know that the word "person" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means mask? So maybe being human means we invite spectators to ponder what lies behind. Each of us will be composed of a variety of masks, and if we can see behind the mask, we would get a burst of clarity. And if that flame was bright enough, that's when we fall in love. What's your opinion on these divine matters?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: I'm not going to fuck you. You know that, right?

Natalie Hegalhuzen: So you want to seduce the journalist whose politics you despise?
Brand Hauser: How dare you. I have no politics.

Natalie Hegalhuzen: Tell me about yourself?
Brand Hauser: I'm just doing this gig, trying to make the best of a bad situation, looking for redemption in all the wrong places. Stop me now if I'm rambling.
Natalie Hegalhuzen: Okay, stop.

Brand Hauser: We're excited to have you.
Ooq-Mi-Fay Taqnufmini: Don't get too excited.
Brand Hauser: I'm not that excited.

Look, we've already kicked the shit out of this place. What are we supposed to do? Turn our backs on all the entrepreneur possibilities? Business is a uniquely human response to a moral or cosmic crisis. Whether it's a tsunami or a sustained aerial bombardment, there's the same urgent call for urban renewal.

Brand Hauser

Natalie Hegalhuzen: Nice office.
Marsha Dillon: It's bullet-proof.

[about Omar] Son of a bitch is trying to build a pipeline through his own cheap fucking country. We didn't liberate Turaqistan to get hustled by some cocksucking fezzhead, Hauser. Terminate. You do that voodoo that you do so well.

The Vice President

Brand Hauser: I feel...
GuideStar: Go on.
Brand Hauser: ...like a refugee from the Island of Dr. Moreau. Some morally inverted, twisted character from a saline novel. The hot sauce helps.

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War, Inc. Quotes

Do *not* leave cars unattended! Unattended cars will be crushed and incinerated!

Expo Turaqistan Female Annoncer

Natalie Hegalhuzen: You know that all my writings have called this occupation a violation of international law and its practitioners are criminals?
Brand Hauser: Do you really believe all this stuff you write?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: Anyone who can causes this much mayhem when they didn't have to? The amount of suffering that I've seen?
Brand Hauser: I know.
[helicoper flies overhead]
Brand Hauser: [speaking on the phone] Ok. Hold on a sec.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: But the way I look at it is this: the day we can actually feel and hear all the suffering of mankind, that's the day when "The Christ" will come back! So we got that going for us.
[speaking on the phone again]
Brand Hauser: I'll be out in a minute.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: Or 'The Buddha', or Allah, whoever floats your boat.