Natalie Hegalhuzen: You know that all my writings have called this occupation a violation of international law and its practitioners are criminals?
Brand Hauser: Do you really believe all this stuff you write?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: Anyone who can causes this much mayhem when they didn't have to? The amount of suffering that I've seen?
Brand Hauser: I know.
[helicoper flies overhead]
Brand Hauser: [speaking on the phone] Ok. Hold on a sec.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: But the way I look at it is this: the day we can actually feel and hear all the suffering of mankind, that's the day when "The Christ" will come back! So we got that going for us.
[speaking on the phone again]
Brand Hauser: I'll be out in a minute.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: Or 'The Buddha', or Allah, whoever floats your boat.

Do *not* leave cars unattended! Unattended cars will be crushed and incinerated!

Expo Turaqistan Female Annoncer

Walken: Every empire is summed up in Rome. The Romans, Hauser, dudes of the human race, torchbearers of culture! You and I are centurions, on about to defend civilization against the barbarians!
Brand Hauser: Let's cut the shit, Walken! I like killing people as much as the next guy, but I signed up to kill the bad ones! Health clinics, trade unionist, journalists, agricultural coops, catholic liberation theologians, impoverished Colombian coffee farmers, these are the barbarians that are brave opponents of civilization? We turned Central America into a fuckin' graveyard! Whoever momentarily interrupts the acummulation of our wealth, we pulverize! I'm just not feeling good about that anymore, sir!

When you see something that looks like a frozen gallbladder, that's Greenland.

GuideStar

Brand Hauser: I feel...
GuideStar: Go on.
Brand Hauser: ...like a refugee from the Island of Dr. Moreau. Some morally inverted, twisted character from a saline novel. The hot sauce helps.

[about Omar] Son of a bitch is trying to build a pipeline through his own cheap fucking country. We didn't liberate Turaqistan to get hustled by some cocksucking fezzhead, Hauser. Terminate. You do that voodoo that you do so well.

The Vice President

Natalie Hegalhuzen: Nice office.
Marsha Dillon: It's bullet-proof.

Look, we've already kicked the shit out of this place. What are we supposed to do? Turn our backs on all the entrepreneur possibilities? Business is a uniquely human response to a moral or cosmic crisis. Whether it's a tsunami or a sustained aerial bombardment, there's the same urgent call for urban renewal.

Brand Hauser

Brand Hauser: We're excited to have you.
Ooq-Mi-Fay Taqnufmini: Don't get too excited.
Brand Hauser: I'm not that excited.

Natalie Hegalhuzen: Tell me about yourself?
Brand Hauser: I'm just doing this gig, trying to make the best of a bad situation, looking for redemption in all the wrong places. Stop me now if I'm rambling.
Natalie Hegalhuzen: Okay, stop.

Natalie Hegalhuzen: So you want to seduce the journalist whose politics you despise?
Brand Hauser: How dare you. I have no politics.

Brand Hauser: Did you know that the word "person" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means mask? So maybe being human means we invite spectators to ponder what lies behind. Each of us will be composed of a variety of masks, and if we can see behind the mask, we would get a burst of clarity. And if that flame was bright enough, that's when we fall in love. What's your opinion on these divine matters?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: I'm not going to fuck you. You know that, right?

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War, Inc. Quotes

Do *not* leave cars unattended! Unattended cars will be crushed and incinerated!

Expo Turaqistan Female Annoncer

Natalie Hegalhuzen: You know that all my writings have called this occupation a violation of international law and its practitioners are criminals?
Brand Hauser: Do you really believe all this stuff you write?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: Anyone who can causes this much mayhem when they didn't have to? The amount of suffering that I've seen?
Brand Hauser: I know.
[helicoper flies overhead]
Brand Hauser: [speaking on the phone] Ok. Hold on a sec.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: But the way I look at it is this: the day we can actually feel and hear all the suffering of mankind, that's the day when "The Christ" will come back! So we got that going for us.
[speaking on the phone again]
Brand Hauser: I'll be out in a minute.
[speaking to Natalie again]
Brand Hauser: Or 'The Buddha', or Allah, whoever floats your boat.