Wayne: Hi, uh we're here to see Handsome Dan. My name is Wayne Campbell
Bjergen Kjergen: Yah, I know. We've been expecting you, Vane Campbell. I am Bjergen Kjargen.
Wayne: Wow I love your accent, where are you from?
Bjergen Kjergen: I am from Sveden.
Wayne: Oh really? Whereabouts in Sweden?
Bjergen Kjergen: Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords.
Wayne: Well, nice to meet you, Bjergen Kjargen, from Kneurgen, near the Joergen Fjords. Hmm. Kneurgen, that's in the Klargen Province, near the Biburgen River.
Bjergen Kjergen: Yah hah.
Wayne: Now correct me if I'm wrong. Your annual rainfall varies from about 40 inches in the winter to about 200 inches in the summer, and your chief export is modular furniature. I did a report on Sweden in the eighth grade.
Bjergen Kjergen: Well I am impressed with your quest for knowledge. Educated men are rare.
Wayne: It was really hard, I stayed all night on it. Then the next day, in gym class I was on the minitramp and I got diarrhea. I really wish I hadn't told you that.

Cassandra: You know, I haven't seen Garth in a while. What's he up to?
Wayne: Oh, Garth's doing his laundry.
Cassandra: Too bad he doesn't have a girlfriend to do HIS laundry.
Wayne: Oh yeah; thanks for doing my laundry. Hey Cassandra, how do you get my clothes so white and fresh-smelling?
Cassandra: It's an age-old Cantonese family method that very few people know about.
Wayne: Ahh... Wait a minute... Calgon? Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

Wayne: [enters gas station] Where's the First Presbyterian Church on Gordon Street?
Bad Actor: Uh...
Wayne: Gordon Street, Gordon Street!
Bad Actor: Uh, Gordon Street! Oh yeah, Gordon Street! Uh, I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street. But that was a long time ago. When I was young.
Wayne: [looks at camera] Do we have to put up with this? I mean, can't we get a better actor? I know it's a small part, but I think we can do better than this.
[person from set crew comes in and replaces actor with another one]
Good Actor: Gordon Street? Ah, yes, Gordon Street. I once knew a girl who lived on Gordon Street. Long time ago, when I was a young man. Not a day passes I don't think her and the promise that I made which I will always keep. That one perfect day on Gordon Street. That's uh, five blocks up, two over.
Wayne: [choking back tears] Thank you.
[jumps in car and drives away]

Wayne & Garth: We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Steven Tyler: You're worthy, you're worthy. Get up!

Wayne: Okay, you've probably already noticed by now that we're on a little early tonight.
Garth: Usually at this time on Aurora cable, you're watching "Plant World".
Wayne: But they didn't want our 10:30 time slot. But we were able to talk "Plant World" into changing with "Cooking World".
Garth: Although they didn't want to change at first.
Wayne: But fortunately, "White Supremacy World" was cancelled, and all the trades worked out

Jerry Segel: What? Is something wrong?
Wayne: What do you mean?
Jerry Segel: It's my eye, isn't it.
Garth: Why would we want to look at your eye? Is there something wrong with that... weird... eye?
Jerry Segel: There's nothing wrong with my eye. This one just has no pigment. I'm what you call a partial ocular albino, but I'm fine with it. I have perfect 20/20 vision with both eyes. You're serious about putting on a rock concert?
Wayne: Are you kidding? I'd give my right eye.
Jerry Segel: You realise there are certain jurisdictions you'll need to follow.
Garth: I'd like to think I have an eye for details.

Garth: Wow. Look at this scrapbook.
Wayne: Wow!
Garth: That's you with Led Zeppelin.
Del Preston: Yeh. My old lady put that together. We must've toured every concert hall and venue in America. Me, my old lady, and the road.
Wayne: Is that you and Bob Dylan? Who's that old lady?
Del Preston: That's my old lady.

Wayne: Jim, why was I supposed to put on this concert?
Jim: Because you had to learn that it doesn't matter what you do, Cassandra loves you for who you are and that, being an adult means facing resposibility yet still taking the time to have fun.
Wayne: Right, its like coming home on Friday night and doing your homework right away so that your Saturday night is free to just party.
Jim: No I like the way I said it better.
Wayne: OK.

Del Preston: Did he have a naked Indian?
Wayne: Yes.
Garth: Wow.
Del Preston: I have to ask, didn't you think it was a trifle unnecessary to see the crack in the indians bottom.
Wayne: Yes, absolutely
Del Preston: I had the same dream.

Garth: A *sphincter* says *what?*
Bobby Cahn: ...I'm supposed to say what... like I don't get it right?

Milton: I hate my father. I hate my life. But I feel great! You guys are great. I'm gonna go pick a fight.
Wayne: He's gotten a lot better.
Garth: Way better.

Wayne: You can see him?
Rip Taylor: Well, of course! I mean, how are you gonna miss a half-naked Indian?

FREE Movie Newsletter

Wayne's World 2 Quotes

Honey Horne: Take me, Garth!
Garth: Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.

Wayne: Excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street?
Chicken-man: Well, I'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. Jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons.
Wayne: Oh, so you're selling watermelons.
Jim: No, no sir. We just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these here chickens.
Garth: What do these guys do?
Chicken-man: Well, their job is to walk back and forth with this big plate-glass window every couple of minutes.
Garth: Weird.
Wayne: Yeah, you've got to wonder if this is gonna pay off later on.

Wayne's World Movies News