Favorite Wet Hot American Summer Quotes
Beth: Listen, Henry...
Henry: Please, call me Henry.
Beth: Okay, Henry it is.
Gail: I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because I want you to be guests of honor at our wedding next week!
Beth: Well, I hope it's not jumbo shrimp, because I'm allergic to oxymorons!
McKinley: Arty, I need you to do me a favor. I need you to take a shower today.
McKinley: 'Cause your parents are coming tomorrow, and I don't want to get in trouble.
McKinley: You haven't taken a shower once this summer. Not once in 8 weeks.
Arty: I will.
McKinley: You're covered in dirt. Take a shower.
OK, stop. I feel like I'm watching regional theatre, you guys. God! Am I in the Cleveland Playhouse or something? Your craft is a muscle, you need to exercise it. Take a break; think about what you've done.Susie
Oh, fuck my cock!Henry
Susie: You guys, I'm really going to miss this place.
Coop: Me too.
Ben: Hey, let's all promise that in ten years from today, we'll meet again, and we'll see what kind of people we've blossomed into.
Ben: What time do you wanna meet?
J.J.: You mean ten years from now?
Coop: Let's meet in the morning so we can make a day of it.
Susie: Okay, so what is it? Is it like 9:00? 9:30?
Coop: Well, let's say 9:00, that way we can be here by 9:30.
McKinley: Well, no, why don't we say 9:30, and then make it your beeswax to be here by 9:30? I mean, we'll all be in our late 20s by then. I just don't see any reason why we can't be places on time.
Gary: Okay, then, it's settled. 9:30 it is. All agreed?
McKinley: Good, because I have something at 11:00.
Gary: You just have like a trapper-keeper full of appointments, right?
McKinley: No, I just have something at 11:00, and I can't change it, because I already moved it twice.
When we first started hanging out together, this morning, we were just friends; but things change, and I've fallen in love with you. I just know that if you gave me a chance, I could make you feel so good. So I am coming, not as your buddy, and not as a co-counselor, but for the first time as a man - a man who loves a woman, and who wants to hold her and provide for her and, yes, have sex with her; but no, seriously, Katie, I love the way you laugh and I love the way your hair smells and I love it that sometimes for no reason you're late for shul, and I don't care that you're bowlegged and I don't care that you're bilingual - all I know is that I would have said no to every single person on your list because I've always wanted you.Coop
The phone! The phone! Where's the fucking phone?Beth
Henry: So, do you work here?
Beth: Yeah, I'm the Camp Director. You?
Henry: Me, no, I don't work here.
Beth: No, yeah, I'm the camp director... I would know if you worked here.
Henry: Oh, right.
Gary: Hey Abby, I thought this was a different bunk.
Abby Bernstein: No.
Gary: Am I bothering you?
Alan Shemper: When I was at camp, my favorite activity was always arts and crafts. Or, as we used to call it: arts and *farts* and crafts. We used to make drawings... cave drawings! Which is my way of saying we were cave men. I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying "sticks and stones may break my bones" and meaning it! I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor! And my best friend hadn't fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours! There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice, and the plague - the bubonic plague!