Sorry, Woody, about your situation. But you're a lying asshole. That's like an asshole's asshole.

Bobby Davis

Del Fuegos! Hide the bikes! Quick!

Woody Stevens

Woody Stevens: That's not a discussion.
Dudley Frank: Yeah, that's a lawsuit.

Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?
Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."
Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.

Doug Madsen: Woody, sorry I said you had ego issues.
Woody Stevens: Sorry I said you were a pussy.
Doug Madsen: You didn't call me a pussy.
Woody Stevens: Well not to your face, but that's what I was thinking.

Charley: Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and...
Bobby Davis: You blow your deputy's ear off.
Charley: Yeah.

Maggie: That's too bad. I wanted you to try my chili. It's pretty hot.
Dudley Frank: No, I'll try it. I like your kind of hot. Chili, chili hot. Food hot. That's the hot I want to kiss.

I have a girlfriend, beat that out of me, bitch.

Dudley Frank

Dudley Frank: Im looking foward to the parade this year. I got little tootsi rolls to throw to the kids.
Woody Stevens: Tootsi rolls? You cannot even put on your left blinker without wiping out.

Woody Stevens: [a large yard is full of a bunch of leaves] Well go home Toby! You make me sick!
Toby: I can't do this many leaves for $10!

Doug Madsen: You're the sheriff, aren't you going out there?
Charley: Hey, I took my law enforcement course on the internet! For arms training they just told us to play Doom!

Dudley Frank: [upon seeing Maggie] She's perfect for me. I wanted to say something funny, but all I could think of was black jokes.
Bobby Davis: Do tell... which ones? Why don't you tell the one that ends with me beating your ass?

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Wild Hogs Quotes

[after getting a fist-tap from Woody and nearly wiping out] Man, oh, man. I almost lost it back there. I didn't know what was going on.

Dudley Frank

You screwed up their lives? And by doing that, you decided to screw up our lives? Asshole!

Doug Madsen