Maury Ballstein: The designer's got your nuts in a vice! He's offering you three percent for every pair of underwear sold! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!
Kids: Screw Him! Hold out for more!

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

Derek Zoolander

Damnit Derek, I'm a coal miner, not a professional film or television actor.

Larry Zoolander

Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

Derek Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you.

Matilda: What time is it?
Derek Zoolander: Almost five.
Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...
Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."

Let me show you Derelicte. It is a fashion, a way of life inspired by the very homeless, the vagrants, the crack whores that make this wonderful city so unique.

Mugatu

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Zoolander Quotes

I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero.
The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Hansel

At the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than being really, really good looking.

Derek Zoolander