Freb: The corner of Wiltern and Wetherley... Tumbler messed up, he said the Porsche should be at the corner of Wiltern and Wetherly.
Kip: There it is.
Mirror Man: You're bullshitting me!
Kip: I gotta get my tool.
Mirror Man: Kip that's not a tool... that's a damn brick! Kip, man, we gonna use a brick, we may as well call prison and make reservations!

That's nasty. What kind of a sicko gets their jollies from playin' with dog shit man?

Ignacio

John Winger: Why'd the chicken cross the road?
Soldiers: To get from the left to the right
John Winger: He stepped out of rank, got hit by a tank
Soldiers: He ain't no chicken no more

Sergeant Hulka: I'm talking about something important, like discipline and duty and honor and courage. And you ain't got none of it!
John Winger: Those words mean so much to a man who scrubs garbage cans. Look, if you don't want me in your Army, kick me out, but get off my back.

Sergeant, does this mean we're through for the day?

Dewey Oxburger

Sergeant Hulka: Men, welcome to the United States Army. I'm Sergeant Hulka. I'm your drill sergeant. Before we proceed any further, we gotta get something straight. Your mamas are not here to take care of you now. It's just you, me, and Uncle Sam. And before I leave you, you're gonna find out that me and Uncle Sam are one in the same.
John Winger: Uncle Hulka?

We're so damned lost. Where the hell is Innsbruck, Austria?

John Winger

Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals?
John Winger: You mean like flaming? Or part time?
Recruiter: Well, it's a question we have to ask of all our new recruits.
Russell Ziskey: No, we're not homosexual, but we are *willing to learn*.
John Winger: Yeah, would they send us someplace special?
Recruiter: I'll just put that as a 'no'.

You better hit those bunks my little babies, or Sergeant Hulka with the BIG TOE is gonna see how far he can stick it up your ass.

Sergeant Hulka

I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.

Russell Ziskey

Russell Ziskey: You could join a monastery.
John Winger: Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls?
Russell Ziskey: Never.
John Winger: So much for the monastery.

Cruiser: I joined the army 'cause my father and my brother were in the army. I figured I better join before I got drafted.
Sergeant Hulka: Son, there ain't no draft no more.
Cruiser: There was one?

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