Admiral Benson: I slipped on a crab. Who put that crab there?
Lt. Commander Block: I don't see any crab, sir.
Admiral Benson: Don't tell me. There were two crabs. They work in pairs. I went to Annapolis for chrissakes!
Topper Harley: Nice place.
Ramada Thompson: It's okay. The only problem is I have a nosy landlady. Well, I guess this is goodnight.
Topper Harley: I don't want to go back.
Ramada Thompson: You don't have to. I don't want to be alone. And by the way... I can go all night, like a lumberjack!
Topper Harley: What about your landlady?
Ramada Thompson: You can do her too.
Mike Damone: This is going to be great, Rat. It's like the highlight of their day.
Mark Ratner: Hey maybe we'd better call first. I dunno about dropping in like...
Mike Damone: What are you kidding? We're gunna surprise them. Look, just fix your collar, alright? Relax, just be cool, attitude, remember? Where'd you get that, outta the hamper?
Mark Ratner: Hey, come on, this is clean.
Mike Damone: Look Rat, it's like riding a bike. Fall off; you're right back on. Mess up a date, do it again.
Mr. Vargas: They sold their bodies to medicine for money. About $30, I think.
Dr. Miller: Twenty-five.
Jeff Spicoli: Righteous bucks!
What do you mean, better in bed? Either you do it or you don't.Linda Barrett
Brad, your sister's turning into a fox!Brad's Bud
[Linda opens the door while he is jerking off] Jeez. Doesn't anyone fucking knock any more?Brad Hamilton
Hey, Bud, let's party!Jeff Spicoli
Stacy Hamilton: I want a relationship. I want romance.
Linda Barrett: In Ridgemont? We can't even get cable TV here, Stacy, and you want romance.
Awesome! Totally awesome! All right, Hamilton!Jeff Spicoli
Perry's Pizza Waitress: Linda, Linda, there he is. There's that guy from the stereo store. Don't you think he looks like Richard Gere?
Linda Barrett: Did you see his cute little butt?
Hope you had a hell of a piss, Arnold!Brad Hamilton