Brian: Hey, Jan... will you be my girlfriend?
Jan: Well, I would, but I'm gay. I'm a big dyke.
Brian: Oh. What's that like?

Scarface: Yo I'm Cuban, B!
Samson Simpson: Yes, Cuban B.

If I wasn't from Jamaica, then why would I be wearing this hat?

Thurgood Jenkins

In 11 days I'm as good as skewered! Ever take your clothes off and run backwards through a cornfield?

Kenny

Thurgood Jenkins: You know I got some weed at work today, if y'all wanna try it out.
Scarface: Nah, we don't feel like smokin' right now.
Thurgood Jenkins: Me neither. So y'all wanna smoke?
Scarface: I'll get Billy Bong Thornton!
Brian: No man. No Billy Bong Thornton without Kenny. That wouldn't be right. Get Wesley Pipes. Yeah!

I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

Thurgood Jenkins

I'm sorry, yo. I don't wanna be the first nigga to die from a crossbow!

Thurgood Jenkins

Thurgood Jenkins: Guys just shut up about the weed for two seconds, I don't want this girl to know I smoke.
Scarface: Yeah it's bad enough you a janitor yo.
Thurgood Jenkins: Custodian, dick!

Thurgood Jenkins: [to Mary Jane] Listen, I really like you. I was just wondering maybe if you're interested we can go out later and get some ice cream or something...
Scarface: OOH! MOTHER FUCKER SAID ICE CREAM!
Brian: BLAH BLAH ICE CREAM! YOU'RE SUCH A DORK, MAN!
Thurgood Jenkins: Damn!

Scarface: I got it! Why don't we sell that weed that we smoked earlier!
Thurgood Jenkins: We suggested that already!
Scarface: For real, B?

Scarface: Don't worry, man. All we gotta do to get you out is to get 10 percent of 10 million dollars. Which by our calculations is...
Brian: ... Fucking impossible, man!

I didn't know that horse was a diabetic!

Kenny

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