David Grant: How did she die?
Kate Grant: Saw herself in the mirror one day.

[upon learning Woody has "won" a million dollars] I never knew the son of a bitch even wanted to be a millionaire! He should have thought about that years ago and worked for it!

Kate Grant

Receptionist: Does he have Alzheimer's?
David Grant: No, he just believes what people tell him.
Receptionist: That's too bad.

Kate Grant: That's Ed Pegram singing.
Kate Grant: Did you know that he was always trying to get in my bloomers?
David Grant: Jesus Mom! Was the whole town trying to seduce you?
Kate Grant: These boys grow up staring at the rear ends of cows and pigs, it's only natural that a real woman will get them chafing their pants.

Hey, Rick! I never made a slam dunk before. Thanks for the boost.

The Cable Guy

I love this game!

The Cable Guy

What a place for an ending, huh? It's like that movie 'Goldeneye'!

Chip Douglas

Chip Douglas: Call it one guy doing another guy a solid.
Steven Kovacs: That is so nice!
Chip Douglas: Well you're a nice guy! You'd be surprised how many customers treat me like snot, like I'm a goddamn plumber or somethin'.

Chip Douglas: Here is a comment card. Please mail it in when I am done.
Steven Kovacs: Does this go to your boss?
Chip Douglas: No it goes to me, I'm sort of a perfectionis... perfectionis... t.

Wake up lil snoozy! Smell the smelling salts!

Chip Douglas

Come back here, so that I may brain thee!

Chip Douglas

Come on Stevie, time to leavey, It's the fun bus man!

Chip Douglas

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