Come back, you fat, bearded bitch!

Dark Helmet

Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted.

Dark Helmet

Lone Starr: I wonder, will we ever see each other again?
Yogurt: Who knows? God willing, we'll all meet again in Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money.

Well, what have we got here? Will you look at her? Those flashing eyes, those flushed cheeks, those trembling lips. You know something Princess? You are *ugly* when you're angry.

Lone Starr

Self-Destruct Voice: This ship will self-destruct in ten, nine, eight, six...
Dark Helmet: Six! What happened to seven?
Self-Destruct Voice: I'm just kidding!

Lonestar: Just one more dune.
Barf: That's what you said three dunes ago.

[breathes heavily, Darth Vader-style] I can't breathe in this thing!

Dark Helmet

Lone Starr: Barf! Barf! BARF!
Barf: Always when I'm eating!

Colonel Sandurz: What shall we do now, Sir?
Dark Helmet: Well, are we stopped?
Colonel Sandurz: We're stopped, Sir.
Dark Helmet: Good. Well, why don't we take a five minute break?
Colonel Sandurz: Very good, Sir.
Dark Helmet: Smoke if you got'em.

You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Let's see how well you handle it.

Dark Helmet

Prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all seatbelts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall, cancel the three ring circus, secure all animals in the zoo!

Colonel Sandurz

Hey! I don't have to put up with this! I'm rich!

Princess Vespa

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