Katy: Hey, Droz, how 'bout this: Tonight, at the Pit, "Everyone Gets Laid."
Droz: It's tasteless, disgusting, and offensive. I love it.

Well, that's good thinking.

Droz

Tom: What's he doin?
Droz: He's finishing his senior thesis. Pigman is trying to prove the Caine-Hackman theory. No matter what time it is, 24 hours a day, you can find a Michael Caine or Gene Hackman movie playing on TV.
Tom: That's his thesis?
Droz: Yes! That's the beauty of college these days, Tommy! You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit.

Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: It's me, Rand. Open up.
Bantam: America's greatest president.
Rand: Damn it. "Who is Ronald Reagan?"
Bantam: A casual shoe for yachting.
Rand: What are you trying to figure out, B.D.? Who could I be? "What is a blucher?"
Bantam: They killed Jesus Christ.
Rand: "Who are the Jews?" Open up, sucko.

Katy: What about Naugahyde Windpipe?
Cecilia: Too metal.
Raji: Oedipus and the Mama's Boys.
Cecilia: Too college radio.
Deeje: My Johnson Is 12 Inches Long.
Cecilia: Interesting, but I don't think it's a band name.

These, Tom, are the Causeheads. They find a world threatening issue and stick with it for about a week.

Droz

Droz: Are we having a party tonight or what?
Cecilia: Well, there's no publicity, so there's no people; Gutter never showed up, so there's no beer; instruments just blew out, so there's no band; and I think Raji and Deege may be dead.
Droz: Wait a minute... no beer? Well, where the hell's Gutter?
Katy: Probably in a parking lot somewhere picking his nose.

Kevin: Well, you're all I think about.
Leslie: Me?
Kevin: And I think the reason I'm not interested in other women, and why I haven't had sex in so long, is because I'm desperately, completely in love with you.

Never trust a woman who says she isn't angry.

Kevin

It ain't a party 'til something gets broken.

Billy

Kirby: I understand the fold, but what's fluff?
Kevin: Fluff's what I write for the paper.

You break my heart. Then again, you break everyone's heart.

Jules

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