Her name's Naomi. That's "I moan" backwards.

Van Wilder

I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... medulla oblongata's.

Van Wilder

I know Ms. Pac-Man is special. She's fun. She's cute. She swallows.

Van Wilder

Crazy kids with their crazy VDs.

Van Wilder

Don't be a fool and wrap your tool.

Van Wilder

Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!

Van Wilder

Van Wilder: Take your clothes off.
Gwen: I'm not taking off my clothes.
Van Wilder: Well it is the naked mile run, everybody else is in their birthday suit.
[a hairy naked guy runs by]
Van Wilder: Except that guy.

Sweet Joesph, my son's a fairy.

Vance Wilder, Sr.

Taj: I would like very much to spend my remaining days here as your assistant.
Van Wilder: Okay, we're just going do a little word association. Say the first thing that comes to your mind. Milk.
Taj: Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, but I hear "milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.

The first day of spring semester. A time to say goodbye to the parents once again, and say hello to a few new student bodies.

Van Wilder

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Van Wilder

All you need is scented candles, massage oil, and Barry White. Write that down.

Van Wilder

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