I just wanna go to the rooftops and scream, "I love my best friend, Evan."


Ah, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.

Officer Michaels

McLovin? Were you violating that young girl? Were you violating her with you penis?

Officer Slater

Officer Michaels: Yeah McLovin, how is it going with the ladies?
Fogell: It's not the "going" I'm worried about... but the "coming."

I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.


I'm not too worried about it, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Don't worry about it.


Fogell: Well, when I got there it was either this or Muhammad.
Evan: Why would you even pick Muhammad.
Fogell: For your information, Muhammad is the most commonly used name on the planet.
Evan: Fogell, have you ever even met anyone named Muhammad?
Fogell: Have you ever met anyone named McLovin?
Seth: NO! That's why it's a stupid, made-up, fucking fairy tale name!

Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: You would too... if you were a man.

[a cop peeks in the bank, Dalton comes out with his revolver and speaks in an accent] You come near here I start throwing bodies out the front door. I not fucking joking, man.

Dalton Russell

You planned every inch of this thing right from the start, you got everybody marching to your beat, including me, and i'm through buying it!

Keith Frazier

I'm no martyr. I did it for the money. But it's not worth much if you can't face yourself in the mirror. Respect is the ultimate currency. I was stealing from a man who traded his away for a few dollars. And then he tried to wash away his guilt. Drown it in a lifetime of good deeds and a sea of respectability. It almost worked, too. But inevitably, the further you run from your sins, the more exhausted you are when they catch up to you. And they do. Certain. It will not fail.

Dalton Russell

The sooner you STOP being my problem and START being my solution the better off you'll be.

Madeliene White

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