Doug Madsen: Come on...
Woody Stevens: Fine, I will get naked with my gay friends. If any of them look at my junk, I will kill them!

You little asswipe! You don't knock it off you're gonna be shittin' this basketball... pardon my French!

Earl Bassett

Dudley Frank: I got a tat.
Doug Madsen: Hell just froze over.
Woody Stevens: Let's see it!
Dudley Frank: I'm a biker dude! -Shows tattoo of Apple logo
Woody Stevens: It's an Apple.
Dudley Frank: I know, it's trademarked, but what are they gonna say... It's in my skin, bitch!

Rhonda LeBeck: No, you don't understand, these creatures are absolutely unprecedented.
Nestor: Yeah, but where do they come from?

[to Earl] Who died and made you Einstein?

Valentine McKee

Dudley Frank: Thanks, Woody, I feel really safe with you.
Woody Stevens: I noticed that. If you ever lay your head on my back while riding bitch, I'll throw you into traffic!
Dudley Frank: I was just trying to keep the wind out of my face.
Woody Stevens: I felt you smell my neck!
Bobby Davis: Did you smell that man's neck?
Dudley Frank: His cologne is fantastic. It's musky with an oaky finish like a... lawyer cowboy.
Bobby Davis: A lawyer cowboy?

Earl Bassett: AHHH! AHHH!
Valentine McKee: What? What is it?
Earl Bassett: Damn prairie dog burrow.
Valentine McKee: Sons a bitches.

[to the other three] I'm just swimming here with my gay friends.

Woody Stevens

Earl. Here's some swiss cheese and some bullets.

Walter Chang

Valentine McKee: They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait; the government made 'em. Big surprise for the Russians.
Rhonda LeBeck: Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record. [pauses] That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.
Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.

Mother-in-Law: In my day, the women stayed home. Not the lazy men.
Bobby Davis: In your day, men were busy building pyramids!

It's ok. I just hit my face!

Dudley Frank

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