You, you have weak ankles. One of your calves is bigger than the other. Too much makeup. Not enough makeup. What's with the skin? Say it with me SUNLIGHT. Male cheerleaders, enough said. Smile. Don't smile. Ah, good tone and general musculature. Report those compliments to your ass before it gets so big it forms it's own website! And you, I take you to be the captain, which means you'll probably need more work than anybody.


Courtney: Why does everyone have to go on a diet?
Sparky: Because! In cheerleading we throw people into the air. Fat people don't go as high.

Missy: Hey, perv.
Cliff: Gahhh!
Missy: Hand over your 15 bucks or get out of here.
Cliff: What are you doing?
Missy: Making money from guys ogling my goodies.
Cliff: Aww, I didn't need to hear that. That was an over-share.

I am a choreographer. That's what I do. You are cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing. I will attempt to turn your robotic routines into poetry, written with the human body. Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.


Whitney: She puts the "itch" in "bitch."
Courtney: She puts the "whore" in "horrify."

Kasey: Courtney'll get captain. The guys like touching her butt.
Darcy: Yeah, she's got a lot to hang on to. What's the plural for 'butt'? On one person, I mean.
Carver: She puts the "ass" in "massive."
Darcy: You put the "lewd" in "deluded."

Courtney: Darcy thinks she should get captain 'cause her dad pays for everything.
Whitney: He should use some of that money to buy her a clue.

Look-there's two things we've gotta watch out for, and the second is people that might want our car.

Ray Ferrier

Robbie Ferrier: What is it? Is it terrorists?
Ray Ferrier: These came from some place else.
Robbie Ferrier: What do you mean, like, Europe?
Ray Ferrier: No, Robbie, not like Europe!

You keep your eyes only on me, you understand? Don't look down. Don't look around me. I'm taking you to the car and you're gonna want to look around but you're not going to, are you?

Ray Ferrier

Can you think of a plan that *doesn't* involve your 10-year-old sister joining the army?

Ray Ferrier

News Producer: [at the site of a plane crash] Were you on that plane?
Ray Ferrier: No.
News Producer: Too bad. It would have made a hell of a story.
[shuts news van door and drives off]

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