[to Randy] Ever since my twelfth, I've been looking forward to my sweet sixteen.

Samantha

[to Sam and Long Duk Dong] Wait a minute. I have a wonderful idea! Would you like to go to the dance with Sam?

Dorothy Baker

[Repeated Line] Take those ridiculous things off!

The Geek

I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?

Jake

I thought she hated my guts.

Jake

What the hell are you bitchin' about? I gotta sleep under some Chinaman named after a duck's dork.

Mike Baker

What's happenin', hot stuff?

Long Duk Dong

Ohhh, sexy girlfriend!... Bonzai!

Long Duk Dong

You know everyone in this family has gone total outer limits.

Samantha

I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.

Samantha

[to Samantha] I don't think I'll be able to sleep if I don't feel this little talk has helped ya. So would ya be a sport and lie to me?

Jim Baker

What was he wearing? Well, uh, let's see, he was wearing a red argyle sweater, and tan trousers, and red shoes... Hmm? No, he's not retarded.

Howard

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