If you do anything to make my little sister cry or hurt her or do anything to her, I'm gonna come at you with razor blades and lemon juice.

Big Jack

[Rasputia is about to kill Norbit]
Mr. Wong: WHALE HO!
Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale?
Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho!

Who the hell was eating that turkey ass?


Norbit! Why you run like little bitch?

Mr. Wong

Bingo! Right in the blowhole!

Mr. Wong

Yes it did! And that makes you, the queen of WHORES!


Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!

Fantasy baseball player

Pete: There are five chairs in this hotel room!
Ben Stone: That's WAY too many chairs for one hotel room!

He has man boobs. That means he has bad jeans.


Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: You mean, with emotion?

Ben Stone: Do you want to do it doggie style?
Alison Scott: You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
Ben Stone: It's doggie style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

Marlin: Where's my son? Where's Nemo?
Bloat: [frantically] Dentist! Dentist!
Marlin: What's a dentist? What is that?

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