You got to be the dumbest smart kid I know.

Coach Bud Kilmer

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon: The male erection. Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, stiffie, flesh rocket, tall tommy, Mr. Morbis, the march is on, icycle has formed, Jack's magic beanstalk, rigor mortis has set in, Mr. Mushroom-head, mushroom on a stick, purple headed yogurt slinger... oh, and a pedro.
Miss Davis: ...a pedro?
Mox: yeah, uh huh.

If we go out and half-ass it 'cause we're scared, then we'll always wonder if we were really good enough. But if we go out there and give it all we've got... that's heroic. You guys wanna be heroes?

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon

[staring at Miss Davis's breasts] Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?

Billy Bob

Miss Davis: Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?
Student: Boner? Is boner one?
Miss Davis: Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!

Billy Bob: I sure do love that dog.
Mox: I think it's a pig.
Billy Bob: Yeah.

Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car.

Charlie Tweeder

I don't want your life!


Jackie: Hello, Joel. I'm Jackie.
Joel Goodson: Hello, Jackie. I'm not Joel. Joel stepped out for a moment. Hold on... I'll go call him.

Joel Goodson: Some of the girls are wearing my mother's clothing.
Lana: What's wrong with that?
Joel Goodson: I just don't want to spend the rest of my life in analysis.

It was great the way her mind worked. No guilt, no doubts, no fear. None of my specialities. Just the shameless pursuit of immediate gratification. What a capitalist.

Joel Goodson

Well, Joel, you've done a lot of solid work here, but it's just not Ivy League, now is it?


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