Harold: ...The universe tends to unfold as it should.
Kumar: What is that? Some fortune cookie?

I'm a sophisticated sex robot, sent back in time to change the future for one lucky lady.

Chuck Sherman

I believe "shaved" is the expression.

Nadia

Kevin: If Sherman has sex before I do, I'm gonna be really pissed.
Jim: Sherman? The Sherminator?

Steve Stifler: Hey, Kev, seen shit break lately?
Kevin: Why? What did you do to him?
Steve Stifler: Me? Nothing. I'm the one whose ass he kicked. But uh... I'll tell you one thing... I don't think he's gonna have a problem shitting in school anymore. Slipped a little something into his Moccachino.

You guys are pathetic. I'm gonna find myself a little hottie. SUCK ME BEAUTIFUL!

Steve Stifler

Steve Stifler: You actually said that?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Shut up!
Jim: You did better than me, Nova.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Don't call me that any more. I'm a fraud.

Nadia: [takes off her panties]
Jim: Holy shit.
Finch: HOLY SHIT!
Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member, Garage Band Member: [together] Holy shit!
Enthusiastic Guy: [enthusiastically] Holy shit!

Go, trig boy! It's your birthday!

Garage Band Member

This one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.

Michelle

Now, do you know what a clitoris is?

Jim's Dad

We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.

Jim's Dad

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