Kevin: He's pullin' out the porn.
Finch: He's desperate. Jim, just wait 'til she leaves.

God... let this be it.

Jim

No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!

Kevin

Steve Stifler: Choir chick! What the hell are you doing here?
Heather: Well, uh, I was asking Chris to the prom. So do you wanna go?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah, that would be great.
Steve Stifler: Well, just don't expect Oz to pay for the limo.
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Stifler, fuck! I mean, why do you gotta be so insensitive all the time?
Steve Stifler: What? Whatever.

Choir singer: [to himself] Just focus on the music, think melody, let the music be my guide.
Heather: Yeah, that'd be a start.

Finch: Did not just take out that chair.
Kevin: Yup, he took out the chair.

Kevin: Hey Stifler, how's the pale ale?
Steve Stifler: Fuck you!

I don't want any of you boys thinking, that you're gonna score. You don't score, until you *score*!

Coach Marshall

Jessica: You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky: I've never tried it.
Jessica: You've never double-clicked your mouse?

[on condoms] Well, they're safer than a tube sock...

Jim's Dad

MILF Guy #2: Dude that chick's a MILF!
MILF Guy #1: What the hell is that?
MILF Guy #2: M-I-L-F... Mom I'd Like to Fuck!
MILF Guy #1: Yeah, dude! Yeah!

Vicky: Maybe the words aren't that important. It's like, I know he really cares about me, you know even if he can't say if he does. And yeah, he always talks about sex, but that's ok cause he's a guy, right?
Jessica: He's got a dick, he's a guy.
Vicky: Right.

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