I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.

Jim

Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful.
College Girl: What did you just say?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Suck me, beautiful!
College Girl: [laughs]
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Friends call me Nova. As in Casanova.
College Girl: That's pathetic!
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Jeez, you don't have to laugh at me.

I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking *use* them!

Steve Stifler

She called me and asked for my number.

Steve Stifler

God bless the Internet.

Finch

[flashback]
Leonard Shelby: How can you read that again?
Leonard's Wife: I love it.
Leonard Shelby: But you've read it so many times before...
Leonard's Wife: Don't be a prick. I don't read it to annoy you, I enjoy it.

Awake. Where am I?

Leonard Shelby

Nice shot, Liebowitz.

Teddy

Finished playing with yourself there, Lenny?

Teddy

Leonard Shelby: Strip! Take off your pants too.
Jimmy Grantz: Why?
Leonard Shelby: I don't want to get blood on them.

Teddy: You can't take his car!
Leonard Shelby: [takes a picture of the vehicle] Why not?
Teddy: Because the guy you killed owns it; somebody will recognize it!
Leonard Shelby: Well, I rather be mistaken for a dead guy than a killer.

[voiceover] So where are you? You're in some motel room. You just - you just wake up and you're in - in a motel room. There's the key. It feels like maybe it's just the first time you've been there, but perhaps you've been there for a week, three months. It's - it's kind of hard to say. I don't - I don't know. It's just an anonymous room.

Leonard Shelby

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