I don't care if she's my cousin or not, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight.


What's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?

Dante Hicks

Dante Hicks: You hate people!
Randal Graves: But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?

It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Caged Animal Masturbator

This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.

Randal Graves

Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot!

Dante Hicks

Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer with Diapers: In a row?

Veronica Loughran: I'm sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante...
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many? Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like... 36.
Dante Hicks: What? Something like 36?
Veronica Loughran: Lower your voice.
Dante Hicks: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that INCLUDE me?
Veronica Loughran: Ummm... 37.
Dante Hicks: I'm 37?

Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn't mean I didn't just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!

Yeah, I mean aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. I mean that's what high school was about, algebra, bad lunch, and infidelity.

Dante Hicks

People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom."

Randal Graves

[His only line] You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.

Silent Bob

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